Pure American Filth: I think I want to become a WWE wrestler

No television experience is finer than shirtless, oiled-up men with mullets and over-tanned skin, dry humping each other in front of a crowd of inbreds. But I've always wondered how fun it would be to actually be one of those guys. They are definitely badass and drink a lot of beer, two things that I know I can do. I've always wanted to be part of a weekly soap opera, showing off my violent tendencies in front of an audience whose pure exports are wife beating and cellulite.

While I know awesome wrestlers like triple H are indeed using steroids, I don't think I would use them. I'd rather be the most legit wrestler possible using anything that I can to dispose of my enemies, including steel chairs and small teenage bystandards.

My favorite part of watching WWE is listening to the announcers. They are the best as far as any sport goes, always keeping the viewer hyped. They are just really chill guys who love their job, and it's evident.

"OH MY GOD!!!"

The Future of wrestling.

Triple H is a Godsend

He also is a huge Conan fan.

Triple H is living proof that fucking the boss (and his daughter) and having the resulting retard kids can be great for business. Also, he's just a chill bro who loves to rock out to Motorhead while totally not doing steroids or kissing Vince McMahon's ass. Any young and upcoming wrestler would be well-advised to stay out of his way if they ever hope of having a successful career. His favorite hobbies include shooting up steroids, banging Stephanie McMahon, and holding back your favorite wrestlers through backstage politics.

OK...This is NOT the kind of wrestling I'm talking about.

Vince McMahon

Anyways, all in all working for vince would be pretty fun. He's just a chill dude that's just havin fun. He doesn't even care if he makes himself look bad. It's all business and when it comes to business he's the man. Vince pissed a lot of people off by pretending to have been blown up inside his limo, faking his death. This pissed off wrestling fans as they saw it as making fun of wrestlers who'd actually died. Vince eventually pulled out of his fake death and bought his daughter fake tits to make up for the bad joke.

Stone Cold Steve Austin

Quite Possibly the most famous beer drinker alive, Stone Cold Steve Austin is one of WWE's most famous heroes! He's known for forcing beer bashes upon other wrestlers and destroying anyone who stands in his way. His special is the stone cold stunner, and just like the beer he drinks, it leaves his adversaries STUNNED.